just a little anxious...

so today I've been feeling a bit anxious.

I'm home with the flu, and one of the medicines they gave me has me feeling a little on edge, kind of like how I think a squirrel might feel.  A little shaky, nervous, overwhelmed...it's not helping my breathing.

I haven't felt like this in a while.

It's happened before.

Anxiety. 

For me it's something I have dealt with since I can remember.  I didn't know what it was until I was much older.  It just seems that my brain is wired this way.

I overthink, worry, and think of a million worse case scenarios.....and that's before my feet hit the floor in the morning.

As I've learned more about myself and about anxiety it doesn't affect me the same way it used to.  Sometimes I need medication, sometimes I don't.  Sometimes I don't notice it and think it's gone forever.  Then when I'm tired, feeling stressed, and worn ....... there it is.

I used to be really embarrassed about having anxiety.  I talked to a friend about it...she did too. And then another, and then another, and another .. and so on.  Anxiety has effected more of my friends than I every could have imagined.  This made me anxious too.... Are we wired this way or are we wiring ourselves this way.

In a world that is so busy, we have to stop. We have to think.  We have to take time.  Having a busy life doesn't mean it's a full life.  God wants us to live lives that are full and whole.  I don't think he designed us to work ourselves to death.  I know he didn't intend for us to compare ourselves to one another all of the time. I think a full life is one that may have many different parts, but also has time for family...fun...relaxation..pray... and God.  If you're just living in busyness it can feel overwhelming and a bit out of control.

Too often, I've made this mistake.  I've let myself stay in the busyness. 

I've promised myself this year to live in the fullness of life and not the busyness.  To appreciate each sweet moment with my family and work hard at work, but in a way that make sense.  What does this look like.  No idea.  Ask me next year.  I do know I am going to work at doing the next right thing, and letting go of things that I can.

I want to be present. 

The anxiety might be there, but it won't be because I'm irritating it by forgetting to breathe.  Sometimes even when we do all the right things to take care of ourselves, we may need help. That's totally fine and no one should ever feel shame in that.

I will do my part though to life in the fullness and wholeness of God's plan for me.  His way is best.


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